Advice

I feel like Facebook and Instagram has just become a plethora of unsolicited advice. I don't even want to post on there anymore or read what other people post.

Yes, I'm sick. Yes, I'm grumpy. So that mixture brings out this super pessimistic post. Don't act like you haven't felt this exact same way at one point in time. 

Forgive me but... Unless someone asks a question - why would you give them an answer? 

I know 75% of people just mean well and want to offer advice or things that help them. But, unless someone is ASKING for that, just be supportive or be quiet. Maybe not everyone feels this way. 

I know I've been the one to offer unsolicited advice, so many times. I catch myself doing it so much. I have to just think to myself before I text back or post, did they ask for my help? If not, then just be on their side and supportive. Be a good friend. Or, make them laugh! 

Otherwise, you just sound like an opinionated A-hole. As much as I REALLY try, I get that I come off that way sometimes too. 

Again, we mostly all mean well but, why do we offer so much unsolicited advice!?!?!? Why do so many of us just want to "fix" things instead of just offering support or letting them know they're not alone. 

I can promise you most of the time we all just want to feel like someone else has gone through it or understands even a small portion of what we are going through. 

Stop the word vomit advice!!! 

I pinky swear I will try SO freaking hard to never do that again. And I give you permission to call me out if I do! I need to work on this! And I need to learn to be more patient with people who do this, the struggle is REAL. Ha. It makes me crazy! Yet, I catch myself doing it. 

We are human beings, aren't we? Sheesh. 

But, as mothers I think if we could just have each others back and just be a shoulder to cry on, it would be a little bit better. Maybe? Instead of trying to tell other moms how to do things or force your way on someone else. 

Word.

Heads up that this is going to be a very random word vomit post that is all over the place. 

Ready.... Go!

I posted a picture on my Facebook of an ecard that says "I wish I could sleep like a husband!" And boy is that true. 

It's so funny how moms are constantly thinking about their kids, and what they need. Even when we go out on a date without the baby I am STILL thinking about him. I sort of never really get a break. Must be the mothers intuition. My husband worries less and is a lot more laid back than I am. Most men and women are that way, from my experience. I kind of feel like I got screwed. Ha.

Everyone keeps telling me "enjoy every moment" "this is such a precious time" or "this will go by so fast". 

I'm sorry, I want to slap you when you say that to me my dear friends. I know you mean well, but really. No one wants to hear that. When you're getting vomited on all day long, going through at least three outfits each a day (me and the babe) and are on your last resort for finding the right food to feed my baby because NOTHING else works, I really don't want to hear about how I should be "enjoying every moment". 

Suck it.

I WILL, however, enjoy the good moments. Every single day there are some incredible moments that I hang onto. That's how I survive. That's how RJ survives, ha ha. 

I really don't like how there is a "social pressure/expectation" or whatever... That we all have to tell each other those things. How about we GET REAL. Let's stop writing FB statuses and blogs about how easy it is to be a perfect mom.

Screw that. 

Reading those posts and blogs used to make me feel like I was a failure because my baby didn't do what their baby did. Most first time moms don't know any better than to read blogs and Pinterest pins from other moms and to trust them. Someone is probably doing that with me right now.

Here's the deal though, NO BABY IS THE SAME. So, you just sort of have to be fearless and not care what anyone thinks. You have to not be afraid to try several things until it works for your baby. Even if it's untraditional. Hell, I feed my baby goats milk and the looks I get from moms when they hear that are CLASSIC. 

You just sort of have to OWN how you decide to be a mom. Because you are the only mom for your child, you know your baby. You know your intuition. Don't let anyone take that away from you. 

And there's my two cents. 

Not so funny post...

This past weekend we left RJ with my mom and Gary overnight. This was the first time I have left him overnight. Honestly, I thought it would be hard and that I would miss him so much.

Here's the truth, my marriage is so important. Chance and I have been apart so much from his work travels and stuff that we have needed time together outside of being parents. So, in those moments when I would catch myself thinking about RJ, I would remind myself that not only do Chance and I need this break, but it's so good for RJ to get used to being away from me! 

We both need to be okay apart sometimes. He needs to learn to be okay with other people so he's not always attached to me. So, that motivated me not to miss him as much as I probably could have. Especially because we were at the sand dunes with no cell phone reception unless we drove to the top of the mountain. So, I was forced not to check up! (It also helps that I trust my mom.)

Anyways, now that I am home I have such a sense of urgency to continue to put my marriage first. While my sweet boy is everything to me, I also need to remember that the VERY best thing I can give RJ is a happy home with loving parents. If I divulge into being the best mom and giving 100% of myself to him all day, all Chance gets are my leftovers. And forget about taking care of myself. 

Luckily, Chance is very low maintenance. But, my main point here is that even if it's a date night once a week or month that's even an hour long... It's so important that Chance and I take the time to still date and remember what it's like without the little dude around. 

We may be going to Canada for four days for some Christmas festivities here in a month and leaving RJ with my sister in law. It will be hard to leave him for that long but, we will need a recharge again by then. 

I guess my reason for being so personal about my marriage and finding a balance is that when the days all seem the same and you have postpartum depression - you sort of need something to look forward to. That is so important for me. 

So, I know many of you have dealt with this and I hope you can accept my challenge to put your spouse first. I really believe when we do this that we are able to forgive one another better and bring about a spirit of love in our homes that our kids can learn from. 

I also told myself when I was pregnant that "I don't want the baby to become our life, I want him to join our life." I honestly believe that is possible. 

It's still important to be Leslee, to be Chances wife and just as important to be RJs mama. It's a daily task to find that balance as you know... But if I am putting my efforts anywhere, that's where I want it to be. Giving just enough of myself to those things so I can feel accomplished, and still know who I am. 

Now, here in a few weeks I'll need to read this post. Probably a few times... Just because I feel this way doesn't mean I'm good at applying it. So, here goes!

Grow up, Leslee!

The other day when we were walking through Walmart, RJ had a TOTAL blowout. I felt bad for anyone who walked past me and had to smell it, really. 

And then I think about my friends on SnapChat who I send funny pictures of RJs poop-pushing face. It's too good to keep to myself... 

Then I thought about how I laugh uncontrollably when he farts. He does it in his sleep and I can't even handle it! 

I really am immature. A month ago at the women's general conference meeting RJ farted a ton, I almost had to leave the room because I laughed so hard.

Bottom line, God must have a sense of humor to send us down here with bodily functions like that. So, if that's what makes me laugh and smile on crappy days, pun intended, then so be it!

However, I need to get a hold on that before he's older so he learns some manners. Don't worry, I KNOW. 

Some things I wish I had known about pregnancy, childbirth and the first few weeks at home!

1. Breastfeeding ISNT for everyone. Don't let society put pressure on you, or you put the pressure on yourself to do it. I would say give it an HONEST effort but, if it doesn't work out then don't feel bad. I hated every second of it. It intensified my postpartum depression and made me want to disappear for a VERY long time. So, just don't think your baby is going to die or have all of these issues because you didn't breastfeed. Screw that. Adopted babies do just fine, and so do tons of other children. So, save your brains and boobs the stress and just do what you can! 

2. If you think you're sleep deprived as a pregnant woman, you're in for it! Enjoy those pregnant naps. Oh, how I miss waking up with drool all over my pillow from passing out. Or when Chance would be driving us to work and I would fall asleep in the car with my mouth open, sitting up! Those were good naps. Now, any sleep I do is half-way because I'm partially asleep and partially listening for every.single.breath from the baby. No more deep sleep for me. 

3. I HATED a when people would tell me this but it's so true, enjoy every moment you and your man have together before the baby comes. Life is about to become a whole new world of bittersweet goodness that smacks you in the face.

4. Epidurals are my best friend. All of my friends who chose not to get one deserve the biggest high five, EVER. As for me, I'll take five million epidurals and all the morphine they will give me. No shame. 40+ hours of labor only to end in an emergency C-section sort of ruined me on that whole natural childbirth stuff.

5. Every pregnancy is different. Every woman's body reacts different to labor. What works for one, may not for another. Don't be afraid to explore all options! You are the only person who knows your body like you do! You don't have to accept all of the advice you get!

6. Pray. Say LOTS of prayers. This mom stuff isn't for sissies. You can't do this alone, the Lord is there even at 3 a.m. when the baby is awake and crying and you feel alone and helpless. You and that baby need a spiritual foundation to get through what's ahead.

7. Dont be embarrassed or ashamed to get help for postpartum depression. It is real, and so common! If you have PPD and you are reading this, I love you. You're an amazing mother and are doing everything you can for your sweet child. DO NOT GIVE UP. You matter. 

8. Just do what you've got to do to survive those first six weeks home with the baby. No one will care if your house is a mess or if you haven't showered. And frankly anyone who does needs to be given the finger and a peace out. You don't need friends like that anyway! 

9. Let people help you! Accept all of the help you can get. House cleaning, laundry, meals, whatever it may be! There is no shame in accepting help. Especially from fellow moms who understand how it is!

10. I saved the best for last. Firrrrrrrrst of all, why doesn't anyone tell you about the first crap you take AFTER you have the baby!?!? It was the scariest moment of my LIFE. Especially because I had a C-section and you're not supposed to use your stomach muscles. I'm sorry but, no amount of stool softeners can make prepare you for that moment. YIKES!!!!! 

What I need

I'm sitting here in the bath while RJ takes a nap. I'm wishing I could write Mother Nature a nice little letter to CALM DOWN the wind that's making random objects smack into my house and wake up my baby. Damnit.

I need a pedicure so bad. I haven't shaved my legs since we moved back to Utah, over a month... Yikes. I haven't washed my hair since Monday but hey, I take baths daily so don't worry, no need to stay too far away. I don't smell THAT bad. 

Since when did I forget to take care of myself? I'm delusional today and crying like a freak of nature. Chalk it up to hormones, whatever. But, I've given so much of myself to RJ that I have forgotten myself. 

Chance told me to get away from the baby before I lose my $h*t. It may be too late for losing my mind, but... He said that when you're on an airplane they ALWAYS tell you to put the oxygen on YOURSELF a first, then take care of the child's oxygen. You can't be a wounded healer... Right? I need to take care of myself and do things for myself.

How do you do that at this stage in the baby's life!? They need SO much of your attention right now. He can't do anything for himself. Except puke. He even needs help taking a crap,as of late. 

I've tried to just do things for myself while he naps, like nap myself or do my hair and makeup and get dressed EVERY DAY. I don't let myself stay in sweats, it just doesn't help me feel productive. And I get my lashes done and leave him with my mom, so that helps me get away. But, it's still not enough. I still feel like I need to make more time for ME. Then I can give RJ a better version of me, and more importantly I can be a better wife. 

Let's be honest, husbands really get the crap end of the deal here. Wife neglect, a baby they don't understand but they hopefully gain a new found respect for moms. 

So, I want to hear what you do to help you take care of yourself so you don't get lost in this mom stuff...? I realize this may be a simple thing like getting a drink from Swig, or grocery shopping without kids. Whatever it may be, what works for YOU?