Mom Anxiety - For the LOVE.

So, I just posted the quote below as my FB status. And, seriously it seems pretty far from possible somedays.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."  ~ Mark Twain


I've never felt more uptight, cautious or psycho in my LIFE. Having a 2 year old has seriously given me some gray hairs. I really have to get my sh*t together here.
If I could have it my way... RJ would be like this 24/7

Between him being independent and strong-willed, and my awesome tenancies to want to helicopter mom him... there are a lot of emotions at our house most of the time. Either I'm sitting there biting my nails, fighting the urge to do things for him, or RJ is throwing a fit at the top of the stairs because he wants to slide down them like a freaking slinky. 

I get that there is a fine line between keeping your children safe and straight up coddling them. I have yet to find that balance. But, I do know that I want RJ to be who he is. I want him to learn things for himself. I REALLY want for him to be self reliant and figure stuff out on his own. That is what my HEART wants. 

But my BRAIN really wants to carry him down the stairs, stand over him while he does ANYTHING to make sure he doesn't get hurt. I want to follow him around all day to catch things before they happen. Trust me, I know that is crazy and also semi-normal for most moms. 

The result of me doing these things for RJ is really hindering for him and exhausting for me. He won't learn to climb down the stairs, he won't learn how to do much of anything for himself. Also, I deserve to just relax and let the damn kid be a KID. 

Yet, I still choose to be an uptight helicopter mom. WHY?! I learned a few months ago that anxiety and excitement are basically the SAME emotion, your body doesn't know the difference. My mind wants to tell me it's anxiety and negative. But, my heart says I'm just excited that my cute little buddy is a curious kid. Yet, I feed the anxiety monster EVERY SINGLE TIME. 

So, I am vomiting it all out on this post right before we go on a campout. Because any outing gives me a stomach ache. 

Here's the thing, I know RJ can sense my fear and anxiety. It fuels him. I don't actually act on my helicopter mom feelings as often as I want to. But, it about kills me to sit there and watch him do all of this crazy stuff. So, I get to figure out how to shift my thoughts. If I can just take a deeeeeeeeeep breath and trust my son, I really know it will be better for the both of us. 

LESLEE GET IT TOGETHER! 

RJ having a fun time being a kid = freedom and happiness
Leslee chilling out and sending him TRUST = freedom and happiness

So, I am now going to focus on feeding the excitement instead of telling myself it's fear/anxiety and wanting him bubble wrapped with a helmet on. I get to trust my sweet boy, and let him LIVE. 

Also, I get to relax and be present so I can enjoy those moments. Even if they are not what I expected or planned. 

Any of you mom's who have this mom anxiety figured out, hand over the goods!

For now, I'll just listen to this song over and over.