What happens in India...

I was able to go to New Dehli, India with my mom in May for her work. We attended a women's conference there where my mom received an award for all the incredible work she does for non-profit organizations and the example she is as a successful woman. I'm so proud of her.

I have really learned a lot about myself this year, as I mentioned in my last blog. Going to India really scared the crap out of me. I hate flying over water, I'm terrified of third world countries, I like personal space and I get homesick even when I'm a house away. And well, lets just say what happened in India didn't stay in India. I threw up on the plane ride home, and had stomach troubles for THREE weeks after. And did I lose any weight? NOPE. Ha. But, I learned that I can face my fears and come out stronger. So, chalk that up to one more thing I got to learn this year.

High five.

I also gained some friendships while in India with some remarkable women. Lucky me!

While we were in India, I shared a story with some women about my struggle with PPD. As a result of this, I was then asked to share a part of my post-partum depression story for a book about overcoming your past.

It took me a long time to send her my story. Every time I sat down to write it, I had a breakdown. I wrote a 4 page story the first time, read it out loud and felt like it was too heavy. I then waited a few weeks and wrote it all over again with a different tone. When I read that one out loud it just felt very robotic. More like a motivational speech, if I was a mom going through PPD I would not want a motivational speech. I really struggled finding the right way to share my story and inspire others without being Debbie downer. Also, writing about it brought up so many raw emotions I wasn't sure I wanted to feel again.

After composing four different versions, and about seven mental breakdowns... I sent her the first one I wrote. It surprises me that so many of those emotions are still so raw for me. I have been able to conquer the depth of hell that they call Post Partum Depression, but I will never forget the way it felt.

It's healthy to talk about it, and get it out. That is why I write this blog. I don't write here to get publicity or become a mommy blogger. I really just know that other moms struggle in silence and if you are one of them, and you're reading this... please read my whole blog and know that you are NOT alone. That is what really got through to me, was hearing other mom's stories. For so long I suffered in silence and never told anyone. The very moment I started talking about it is when things started to get better.

I feel selfish when I choose to be quiet about PPD and just let people live their lives. Sometimes it is hard for me to talk about it, so I feel like it's easier not to open up. But, I know I went through that so I could be a support to other moms who deal with this. Once I am able to, I will share the book I am going to be a part of. It is really an amazing project and will be a support to so many people, not just moms who went through PPD. It is a book about every situation in life, for all ages and walks of life. I'm really proud to be a part of it, and honored to have been asked to share my story.

I'm blessed to have friends and family who have never made me feel ashamed for this. I've always felt supported and loved. So, thank you.