I'll be honest, I didn't think I would survive one year of being a mom. Here are some honest blurbs about the first 12 months of his life. I am so grateful for my husband. I would not have made it this far without his help. I'm lucky to have a spouse who does so much for RJ and me. The list starts off so sad and negative, but it is so refreshing to look back and see how much growth has come from the trials of motherhood. It ain't pretty, but man is it SO WORTH it. I have grown into a person I never thought I could be. I've learned to love and appreciate my husband more than I ever did before. And, as hard as it is to put my trust in the Lord, I am always glad I did.
Reggie's life
Month ONE - I remember thinking to myself "what did I just sign up for?!" Anxiety MANIA.
Month TWO - I was overwhelmed with anxiety, wanted to chop my boobs off and stop this baby from puking every ounce of his food all over.
Month THREE - I cried every single day. I wanted to figure out why he was puking so much, and I wanted SO BAD to move back to Utah.
Month FOUR - We finally moved back to Utah. I finally came to terms with not breastfeeding anymore. I stopped caring that other people made me feel bad about that. My life had a light at the end of the tunnel.
Month FIVE - My baby was still a PUKE machine. 3% weight, not growing at all. I was so worried for the kid. I still had no idea what I was doing. And I hadn't really "bonded" with RJ yet. I was beginning to wonder when that would happen.
Month SIX - I came to terms with the puke machine. I learned to wrap myself in blankets if I had a cute outfit on, I packed several outfits for myself and RJ everywhere we went. I was not going to let it stop me! RJ was gaining a little bit more weight, in the 14% this time!
Month SEVEN - BEST month ever. I bonded with RJ. He slept through the night, 10 hours. He laughed. He looked at us like he knew who we were. He STOPPED PUKING!!!!!!! And was in the 25% for weight.
Month EIGHT - My sweet boy became my buddy. I finally got help for post-partum depression. Chance and I looked forward to making fun memories with him, and he kept growing and never puked.
Month NINE - Still no teeth. Ear infection mania. Croup. And lots of days missing work because he was sick. Quite frustrating compared to month seven. Starting to figure out that these kid-thingys don't really stick to anything for too long. Which can be a good and bad thing.
Month TEN - EAR TUBES! Best invention ever. More croup, though. But, who cares! The kid was ear infection free, and has been since. Also, weighing in at the 45%! BOO-YAH. Crawling, and pulling himself up all the time.
Month ELEVEN - Still no teeth. WTH? More fevers, and colds. Poor kid got sick a lot this spring. But, he was still happy as ever and all over the place. I felt like I was finally getting the hang of this "mom" stuff. I had bonded with RJ, and Chance. I felt like for the first time in my life I actually became the person I always knew I was. I have conquered so many fears, learned so many TOUGH lessons, and started to appreciate the little things in my life that I took for granted so many times over.
Month TWELVE - TEETH. Man, I love this kid. He is so much fun. He is into everything, makes a mess, laughs a LOT, and makes us feel so special. I can't wait to watch him grow up into a little man. He is a constant reminder of chance, and the importance of showing love and affection. I love my sweet, sweet boy!!! Being a mom, it's so much better than it was before. It is still SO hard, but I fell so much stronger with the support I have and the faith I have gained. I will be okay. I can do this.
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I write this for all of you new moms. If you have felt any of these feelings, DON'T feel bad. It is normal. It is OKAY. You will make it. You can do this. IF I ever have any other babies, I will need to read this to remind me to SURVIVE the first few months. And not judge motherhood by those times.
I have some awesome friends who are moms, and they make me feel so much better about life when I vent to them. It saves me so many days. I can text them in my crazy moments of anger or frustration and they tell me they went through it, too. I LOVE that part of being a mom. I love that I have a group of incredible women surrounding me and supporting me. I hope I can do the same for them.
Word to ya mother.
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